Budget airlines pedal straight into absurdity

Parody airline concepts always have me in stitches. Picture this: you score a $99 ticket on some ultra-budget airline, only to find out you’re expected to pedal your seat nonstop for the entire 8-hour flight. Meanwhile, two flight attendants - each wielding massive Viking-style drums - keep the rhythm going, ramping up the tempo whenever someone starts slacking. It’s pure Viking Airways: the 90-pound stewardess pounding away, passengers passing out left and right, and you just praying you don’t get tossed overboard if you stop pedaling. I’d honestly love it if ticket prices were based on how much wattage you generated during the flight. The Lance Armstrong types who go full Tour de France could fly for peanuts, while the folks just chilling and barely moving would get hit with the full fare, or worse. And after all that sweat, you’d still get slapped with a £70 fee just to carry on your own socks - classic budget airline move. At this point, why not let chickens or a fleet of hamsters do the pedaling for us? Sure, it’d be chaos - rodent pilots, special schools to train them, new air traffic control towers popping up everywhere, and a whole mess of extra rules and security checks. Basically, we’d be flying tubes of metal powered by livestock, and someone would inevitably call it a “skyplaner” while yelling “ramming speed!” out the window.